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I know how much everybody loved my last post. Yup, the one with absolutly nothing
in it. Actually, that was posted during a job interview, to show how something
worked on the internet. Since I know how much everyone is ANTICIPATING a new
article, i'll get the ball rolling again. Having nothing to do this afternoon,
and since im craving a cigarette so much that im temped to scrape my lungs,
roll that gunk in paper towels, and light up, i'll write an article instead!
lucky you!
 What better
idea for an article then laugh at someones misery! And since i'm a nice guy,
i'll make that misery my own. How's this sound: I have no direction in my life.
Yup, you heard it, I'm officially a loser. I've graduated high school, and I
have no idea what to do next. So before this article starts sounding like a
blog entry, on with the funny: what kind of careers could a loser like me land?
Read on to find out!!!
Okay, i'm a loser, i can get over that. That probably means i'm not gonna be
able to be picky with the jobs i have available,  right?
Right now, I dj at a bar for four hours a week. That gives me 75 bucks, so its
not that bad of a job, pay wise at least, but beleive me, you can go insane
playing the night's fifteenth special request thats by Celine Dion. Or Shakira.
Or Shania Twain. You get the idea? good. Another nice thing about that job,
is the waitresses! SURE! they're hot! but thats about it. its "PLAY ME
BRITNY SPEARS, YOUR BOSS SAID TO LISTEN TO ME SO YOU DO IT PLAY BRITNY SPEARS
NOW PLAY BRITNY I WANT BRITNY!!!". *shrug* she
has big tits, so i wind up playing it every time, but you know, getting pushed
around by a 105 lb blonde bimbo isnt always that great for the ego! Regardless,
I shut the fuck up and do what im told, so i can go home 75 dollars richer.
Thats not enough money to fuel my smoking eating and drinking habits tho, thats
why I need ANOTHER job...
 Boo fucking
yah. What have we hear? Photography? Interesting. Being a photographer really
seems easy. Hell, i could take pictures of stuff and get paid, seems easy enough.
Shooting pr0n would be a real bonus. Cept i'd probably wind up with wood half
the time, that could be inconveniant... So where am I going with this? Jesus
christ, I don't know! I just saw that picture and said "hey that'd fit
nicely in the article!" What the fuck was I thinking?! Jesus christ sometimes
I suprise myself! Man oh man, i'm a retard.
 Speaking
of retards, how fucking cool would it be having "Professional Clown"
on your resume for work experience?! I mean, fuck, that job sounds nice. You
show up for the appoinptment: Birthday Party, Barmitzvah, Funeral, etc. You
dance around, make a few animals out of baloons, and bingo, easy money. Sure,
it might be hard to stay away from the food some times, and what if i'm hungover?
Haha that would turn out well. I'd show up and say "Ok kids, mojo the clown
has a hang over, so quiet the fuck down or else i'll fucking eat you. I wonder
if the parents would refer me...
 Another
thing i'd love on my resume, is "erotic dancer". Hell fucking yes.
If i'm good at one thing, it's frollicking around, ESPECIALLY when i'm drunk.
Hell. Throw some Eurithmics, Haddaway, or Right Said Fred on the jukebox, water
me down with eight or so quarts, and i'll be begging you to let me up on stage.
Alright, I don't have quite the FIGURE of anything Chip n dales worthy, but
i'm sure i'd make many lesbian or homosexual customers happy! Just picture me
in a speedo!!! ... wait... don't.
Okay, so, welfare it is. I wonder how much a kidney goes for on ebay...
Posted by mojomasta at July 31, 2003 01:57 PM
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