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Recently, as some of you may seen, Pwned has been having somewhat of a showdown
with a rival site (www.fulldepoil.com).
The owner of this site recently made a flash animation in response to mine (see
it here). Now, I'm not quite one to critique (hey, I suck at flash too, see
my previous animations for proof), but one thing I can take pride in, is a semi-decent
design (You're looking at it), and some semi-funny, original content. I don't
need to plea for ideas like he does on his site (Basically, he's asking people
to give him something CRAZY to do, and he'll film it, and upload it. Personally,
I doubt his ability to compress video to anything web friendly, but this is not
my point). I understand that in the just under a year that this site has been
in existance, it hasnt been very popular. In checking my access logs, I have received
over 50,000 unique hits tho. In one year. Although they are not only mine: I host
a few friends sites too, this is not bad. This is just me saying thanks to all
of you who repeatedly returned to this godawful site, in hope of a new article.
This is for all of you who left positive, encouraging contents. So, yeah, this
is why i'm convinced that PWNED is going to win this war. Join my army. It's going
to be worth it.
Now, instead of being childish about the entire thing, I'm just going to blow
his ass out of the water with the sheer ammount of quality (or sub par, you
decide) LOL that I can shoot out of my ass. Try and keep up now, kevin!
It's valentines day on saturday guys! What are YOU doing for YOUR loved one?!?!
READ ON TO FIND OUT WHAT YOU SHOULD DO!
 Valentines
day! Also known as Single Awareness day if you're single (We've all been there,
but beleive me, you'll find someone to buy candy and other uselss things for
one day), or just plain ol febuary 14th's valentines day if you're in (or stuck)
in a couple. Two days left. It's coming up fast! Now being the kind of guy who
CARES about his readers, who, since they read this website on the internet,
obviously have NO CLUE WHATSOEVER HOW THEY LANDED A GIRLFRIEND, and therefore
have NO CLUE WHATSOEVER to do on this day of romance, allow the master of the
mojo to guide you from "not getting any" on saturday, to "getting
more then that little trooper can handle".
First things first: Chicks dig poetry. And it's not that hard to write heavy
hitting poetry either. You just need to shut the hell up for a second about
how "I don't do that because that's gay", and just think about it
for a moment. If you were a chick, how would you feel about that? Sure, some
of them say "I don't need that junk it's for fags", but deep down
inside, every woman feels the need for the gratification of some sappy poem
custom-tailored for herself. We all know how ladies LOVE attention. Perhaps
they are not all attentionwhores, but still, this is why a woman cannot accept
a compliment the first time. They always deny that they look good, or are pretty,
or are beautiful, or look great in bed with that cute friend of hers. Deep down
inside, they know all this is true (even if you don't), and just love hearing
it. A poem is like a compliment, but amplified with meaningful words, romantic
crap, and other mumbo jumbo. I'm going to help you write a poem.
| _________ |
<-- Insert name of girl here |
| Since the day I met you, my life has been _____ |
<-- Right here, you want something very thoughtful. You want to
make her feel truely unique, truely special. It must also rhyme with the
next word. Example: Complete |
| Every moment I spend with you, is truely _____ |
<-- now, you follow up with a word that rhymes with the last word.
You want to make her think the time you spend together is truely special.
Example: Unique |
| I love your ________ and I could spend days looking at your ________ |
<-- Remember folks. We're trying to be smooth here. Go for "smile"
or "hair" in the first one, and "eyes" for the second.
You don't want to tell her the truth of how you love her ass and could spend
days staring at her tits. |
| Every _______ we share is like a brand new ________ |
<-- Still more customisation. Do you take alot of walks together?
Use walk for the first. Are you avid swingers? Throw "Couple"
in there for the first. Or if you're a boring bunch, just use "kiss"
or "caress". For the second word, it needs to rhyme with the last
line's second word. Example: surprise |
| I love you _____ |
<--- yeah. you do. you are trying to get laid now arn't you? |
| ________ |
<--- Your name. Don't try to get creative here. |
Now that you know how to write a poem, GOOD! You're one step closer to succeeding
at Febuary the 14th. Next up: COOK HER DINNER! Yeah! Make the woman something
for once. It can be easier then you think. What does a dinner need to be concidered
romantic? Candles. So get candles. Music. AH HAH! Theres something. You need
music to set the mood. Like in any situation, music can greatly enhance the
atmosphere. Here is an example of a few songs that could work for a valentines
day mix cd.
Sarah McLachlan - Fallen
John Mayer - Your Body is a Wonderland
Anything you see in the romantic parts on any drama on the WB.
For every good idea, there has to be at least 2 bad ones. Even that's an understatment.
It should be easy: if you like it, it's not a good idea. You're trying to make
her feel special, not bring out the Juggalo in you. That means no fucking ICP,
okay guys? Even if the song talks about love, it probably winds up talking about
how some bitch got killed for cheating, so no Eminem either. It's not too hard.
Now that you have the music, and the candles, theres still the food to worry
about. Don't sweat it. The secret is, to buy everything pre-made. You know,
in the frozen aisle. Go with something chicken, with some boiled veggies, and
some kind of sauce. Buy some wine, a nice expensive desert. Bingo. Just don't
fuck it up during preparation, and you'll be alright.
The last part. A gift. Yes, a valentines day gift. A nice idea is something
personalised. Have her and your initials engraved inside a silver ring. Have
a nice photo of you both printed on a t-shirt. Remember the poem we wrote earlier?
Buy cute little card, and throw the poem in there. Combine it with your sappy,
personalised gift, and VOILA!
If all this doesnt get you laid, you probably don't deserve to get laid. Go
rent a porno you dumb fuck.
Posted by mojomasta at February 12, 2004 02:54 PM
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