Read on.

First of all, I'm going to compare Pokemon to the Transformers. Why? Well, first of all, the toys. There have been quite a few transformers toys since the franchise started. Ask any kid from the 80s, he'll recognise Optimus Prime. Pokemon? Lots of toys too, fuck, videogames, trading cards. Everything. Lets get started with Pokemon.

Pokemon. Ah yes. The arch nemesis of both parents and people who think they're too cool to enjoy their cute, yet deadly ways. What allows me to fully comment on these little fellows? Well, it's easy. Back when the craze started, before it became nothing but an excuse to sell more and more garbage, I bought a pokemon game. Yes I did. I bought Pokemon Blue, and played it on my also blue Gameboy Pocket. Seriously. The game was not that bad either. Ask any honest Nintendo fan to speak without bias about the entire "HURR POKEMON IS GAY" mindset, and chances are, he'll admit that the first few pokemon games were actually worth playing... if you ignored the craze behind them. No, this is not about raging against the machine, and disliking everything pop culture. This is about trying to play a video game, but being sickened by it every time. Seriously. The merchandise. Holy shit, that was an explosion. And with 150 pokemon, there was LOADS of money to be made. Before you knew it, it was everywhere. T-shirts, toys, trading cards, school supplies, posters, candy. You name it, it was to be bought... when the child pulled a tantrum right there in the store.

But why did it become so popular? Well, the videogame, for one. But, the main selling point of this clever marketing strategy, was a perfectly timed and delivered CARTOON! Yes sir! In my oppinion, it was the most horrifying part of the entire pokemon saga. The cartoon. Jesus. Not only was the main character, Ash, all for great justice (nothing wrong there), but he was a HUGE. FUCKING. FAGGOT. That missy girl was pretty cute (omg pedo), and chances are he coulda scored one for the team while he was out on the road with her (no. NO. NO EROTIC FAN FICTION I KNOW IT EXISTS BUT WE DON'T NEED THAT THE SITUATION IS BAD ENOUGH ALREADY). They could have at least made the main character a bit more manly? Post-puberty perhaps? Some facial hair? No. Instead they slap an 11 year old with a little girls voice in a cartoon, with a whole cast of fun characters (that you could of corse find in stores in some shape or form), and horrible voice acting. No, its not the actual ACTING part of the voice that was bad, but it was the POKEMON THEMSELF! FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. The high pitched, annoying, faggotry. PIKA PIKA. It was also WONDERFUL that the pokemon could only SAY THEIR FUCKING NAME, AND VARIATIONS OF IT, IN AN EXTREMELY ANNOYING VOICE. Christ. And they thought up of 150 of these? Seriously Nintendo, Bra-fucking-vo. Hook me up with your crack dealer next time I want to get creative for this website, thx.

Ahhhh. Now thats better. The pinnacle of the motherfucking 80s, if you do ask me. Transformers. Holy shit were these cool (until today's fucking fads went ahead and gayed it up in 3d... but that's not what I'm talking about). Personally, my parents never bought me them as I was more of a Ninja Turtles kid myself, but beleive me, I know about them. I watched the show almost sacredly, and of corse all my friends had them, so I got to play with them too. Why am I even fucking writing this? I dont need to convince anybody that the Transformers beat the Pokemon, hands down. Just look at that picture up there. Is there a Pokemon that exists that could beat Optimus Prime? I don't think so. Yeah, that's what I thought. Fags.

Overall, Transformers obviously gets the square. To be fair, one thing Pokemon does better then Transformers is VIDEO GAMES. Yeah. Transformers on NES was a fucking letdown. It sucked. Bad. The only reason pokemon gets 2 megamans out of 5 for characters, is that there so GODDAMN MANY OF THEM. The rest should be self explanitory, really.

	Pokemon	Transformers
Video Games
Characters
Plot
Merchandise
Overall

That's all for this week. I'll throw two more cartoons head to head next week. Thanks for reading.